An Open Letter to the Melbourne Football Club - Season 2019

Dear Melbourne FC (Players, Coaches, Support Staff, Administration)

My name is Charlie. I've been a lifelong supporter of the Melbourne Football Club, introduced to the Dee's by a family member, Karen.
Karen's passion screamed down the umpires, called Buckley soft, and phoned into 3AW post game, every game, to infinitely dissect her clubs performance.
She remains a Demons tragic, however she now lives in Mansfield. It's impossible to not acknowledge it's proximity to the snow as some sort of metaphor.
Karen's passion bit me like Edward on Bella and from that time forward, I was a tragic.

But the reason I'm writing this letter is in response to season 2019.
Personally, it's an unavoidable truth that most of the sadness in my adult life has come from attending Demons games and supporting, well, the Demons.
But those days were over. Last year's Prelim Final was the end of the era, the start of the new. It was Unicorns and Dandelions all day long. The world in technicolour.
Footy conversations no longer included that embarrassing line:

"Oh, me? I support the Demons."

My shirt was ripped, my chest buffed, I wore my red and blue beanie in public - IN CRICKET SEASON! That's what you did and I was proud.

But things have changed. We may be facing a Climate disaster that threatens our very existence, but as a Melbourne fan, that issue's been relegated to position #2.
You tore off your mask and revealed your old, wretched self. I found the house made of sweets and lollies and delicious treats, and in 2018 oh boy, did I gorge. But now, I'm sitting in an oven, it's hot and there's not a happy ending in sight.

I understand that as a fan, I come to this topic from a position of naivety. There are so many things the club hasn't and can't say publicly. Reasons for the rot. Issues that cripple. I get that. On the other hand, I'm really hoping in years to come there's a book released that's bigger than the bible, containing some similarly Biblical proportion problems you encountered that left us where we are right now.

So, where to from here?
Will I buy my membership in 2020? Of course.
Will I keep attending as many games as I can? Yes.*
And Will I leave the Jack Viney signed pic that my daughter received with her Baby Demon membership on the fridge? Yes, absolutely, nothing says good morning as I reach for the Jam like a ripping image of Jack Viney in action.

But if there's one thing I can ask in all earnest - (and it's not to win a premiership, my dreams of that day are gently folded and put away in the linen press), please, please, just play well enough that my Daughter doesn't grow up thinking Freo might be a better option.

Yours Faithfully...always.

Charlie Ranger



*Although I may have to start watching them on the TV's in the bars at the ground again if current form persists.

The Second Coming

I thought this blog was done.
Kaput.
Finished.
Infected with a flesh eating disease that ran out of flesh to eat.

But no. I was wrong. There's a faint beat, and yes, it's a heart.
This blog had settled into retirement and was living peacefully amongst the rising hopes of a club that had been on it's knees. As the battles were fought and won, the balance regained and a club rising from the ashes of hell. During that time this blog wasn't needed. It had served it's purpose. But now, oh my, as the hopes fade and the optimism sizzles, the retirement is over. This blog is needed.
The jungle drums are beat.
The horns have sounded.
The trenches are live and we had a deteriorating club to discuss.

So..........


Stay tuned. Watch this space. Let's do this.........

The Last Post

RD 23 v Fremantle

So here we are at the end. The Last Post. Normally a time for remembrance but in this case I think it’s a time to forget.

To forget our win/loss ratio.

The racial allegations levelled against Mark Neeld without evidence.

dailytelegraph.com.au

The racist, sexist, bigot CEO that destroyed what should have been a wonderful sponsorship with the club.

One star (yet errant) forward deciding that instead of cutting it up on the field he would wield a machete and have a go that way and our other star forward doing himself an ‘ouch’ while in great form, sidelining him for the second half of the season.

Alternatively though, through all the crap, there is one thing about the Melbourne footy club we have to always remember, the man Jim Stynes. From my uneducated opinion I bet he would be as upset with the season gone as all of us are (probably more so), but in the end he’d stick tough and do anything possible to build the club into a respected opponent once more. So I think that’s what I’ll do too. I’ll stick tough...again.

Hey, here comes Christmas. We have to wait for the finals to finish of course and all that ‘finals, blah blah blah, premier, blah blah’ stuff to finish as well and then Santa is coming to AAMI park. I spoke 3 weeks ago about how Melbourne is building a ‘war chest’ in order to maximise the trading period.

Here’s my wishlist, from most desired to least:

1. Hawthorn’s list.
   1b. Therapy for Hawthorn players who can’t beat Geelong.

2. If spending is to be kept in house then I’d like a cloning program for Nathan Jones, Jeremy Howe and Jordie McKenzie.
3. Tom Scully.
   
   

Let me explain #2. Enough Jones’ to win the midfield. Enough McKenzie’s to stop opposition midfielders touching it. Then kick every ball high no matter where on the ground you are and the Howe’s can take screamer after screamer in order to retain possession. I understand I haven’t got a defender in that mix but cloning isn’t cheap so I figure I’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

Contingency plan:

If Hawthorn refuse, which they might, we turn the thinking away from players and buy Geelong’s win/loss record from the past five years, including their premierships. At least doing this allows our young list a bit of a breather instead of them playing with a terrible recent history weighing heavily on their immature shoulders.

With any leftover cash we can buy Mark Neeld an industrial sized tub of hair gel. Has anyone ever seen him without that gelled hairstyle? (This question extends to his immediate family).

So it’s a goodbye from me for season 2012. I’ve decided against covering finals because with so many good teams playing such great footy I’d have to write about that instead of the useless periphery. Not interested!
A massive thank you to everyone who has supported me in the writing of this blog, there are many of you. I’ll never forget sitting next to great friends as they would read my latest post and hearing their laughs ring loudly. Were they subtly forced? It doesn’t matter.

Go Dees.

http://underagesenior.blogspot.com.au/ 

An experience if nothing else.

Rd 22 v Adelaide

So that’s the end for a club champ in Brad Green and the 100^th game for ‘Chip’ Frawley, cemented in AFL history as a ‘ spirited first quarter eventual 69 point loss.’

First things second though, what’s with the 4:40 Sunday timeslot? I understand that it works well from a television programming perspective, the problem with that is that we fans are not a television program. I’m someone that would rather spend my Sunday than Sunnight watching the footy. Maybe it’s something I’m just gonna have to accept and I only find it weird and annoying because it’s relatively new. My main issue with it, I think, lies in tradition. The fact that Sunday nights are generally a time to reflect on all the games played and the newly adjusted ladder, not a time spent waiting for some cyst of a game to finish 12 hours before your next shift. I was going to say that I had a problem with how it dampens the atmosphere of a game as well, but then realised there isn’t much to dampen at a Demons home game to begin with. However, credit to us last night, we showed a bit of fire in the belly when getting stuck into the umpires, I’d say they cost us about 70 points in the end.

Brad Green, all I can say is thank you for sticking with the club so proudly in all your time there. After kicking two early goals I was screaming at the box to re-sign you. Missing two simple shots in the second I acquiesced your decision to resign too.

It was quite the game for milestones. Green. Frawley. And of course we welcomed ex-Dees coach Dean Bailey back to the MCG as an assistant to the Crows. No doubt he was merrily muttering “8 ½ wins, 8 ½” to anyone streaked in Red and Blue.

(For those unaware, the Dees won 8 ½ games last year and will most likely finish with 4 in 2012).
But as Mark Neeld pointed out and has done for about the last 7 weeks running, it’s a lot about ‘experience’. Which is true. Mark’s got a lot of experience because he’s become so experienced at using the word experience that even experienced journo’s would be having trouble squeezing a word like…experience into yet another column.

Taylor Walker: foxsport.com.au

And how about the experience of checking out Taylor Walker’s Mullét in all it’s glory. I did read somewhere last week that he and ex-team mate Ivan Maric have a bet that whoever chops the crop first has to name their firstborn after the other. Taylor must be an idiot; Ivan has much less to lose naming his child Taylor. Imagine Walkers kid (Ivan) going to school:

“Are you of Croatian decent?”
”No, my dad’s a fool.”

And of course we can only hope that if Walker loses his firstborn is a boy. Again, Ivan would have no trouble naming a daughter Taylor, on the other hand however…well, he’s an idiot.

Ivan Maric: perthnow.com.au

I think the game on the weekend was summed up delightfully in the calamitous 3^rd quarter by my good mate Sugs, who, whilst not claiming to be a literary deity, quipped:

“When Hawthorn handpass, they handpass out of trouble.”

A simple contrast in styles? Perhaps.

Go Dees.

South of the border.

Rd 21 v GWS

Apparently it was freezing in Canberra on Saturday. This came as a massive relief to me to know that somewhere else in Australia is bitterly cold this winter. It chills me to the bone to hear news of my girlfriend’s sister swanning about in a casual 27° at her Noosa home. What a nerve.

This game went down as our first away win in over a year. As you may well know I like to find a life comparison to games each week and this one made me think of helping young relatives with their primary school fractions homework. You should be able to do it easily but just can’t (Melbourne should have won easily, but they just couldn’t), I mean what’s with fractions anyway!? It just goes to show that when your maths teacher tells you you’ll need maths later in life they weren’t lying. What they didn’t specify is that the only reason you’ll need it is to help primary school kids with their maths homework! After a while you mistake your way to the right answer and are left with what can only amount to a hollow happiness. I understand that it was extremely windy up at Manuka on the weekend but gee-wizz did the Dees make that win hard to come by! (Channelling a bit of retro language there, hopefully at least one person reading this appreciates that).

So it was satisfying to get the win if not a bit tainted for two reasons:

The first we’ve covered above already.
The second because the AFL lost a major scalp in their crusade to inject multi-cultural players into the sport. Many had come to believe that the Melbourne Footy Club was the first proud team to have a little bit of salsa in their squad. However, after a year or so I can safely say our sly game is up. Our season unravelled long ago and now, so to has our fajita styled falsity.

FACT: Lynden Dunn is not Mexican.

Source:demonwiki.org, http://www.afl.com.au

There. The statement has been made and the dirty sanchez is forever wiped from the face of both him and the MFC.

Source:http://www.afl.com.au

In saying this, we have replaced our Mexican influence with something entirely more…well, prehistoric. Luke Tapscott is proudly displaying his Neanderthal origins by encouraging his hair to grow whilst wildly ignoring it. The picture on the left is unfortunately not great quality and doesn't do justice to the manic behaviour of his wind-smashed hairstyle.
Maybe he’s trialing the ‘I won’t wash my hair for three months and the natural oils will keep it clean forever’ approach. Although I’m not sure that’s why cavemen avoided hair-care. A lack of product is probably closer to the mark.

Scully came in for some cheerful boos, a regular feature from now on I’m sure. I don’t know how he does it. He’s only on $6 million and has to put up with a few thousand people booing him a maximum of twice a year for two hours at a time. Poor guy. We must be making his life a living hell at this rate. On the flipside it was again nice to see Junior McDonald have an impact on the game and receive his English Cricket styled light–clapping from Dees fans. I miss him.

Brad Green edges one game closer to the end and next week is his farewell game in front of a home crowd. Can’t encourage supporters enough to get along. This is a guy who played in a Grand Final in his first year and is finishing his last in a team only better placed on the ladder than two franchises with three years experience between them. Ouch.

Go Dees.